I’m going for a walk with my mother-in –law tonight. I have to admit that I am slightly worried about it. I really like her, both as a mother-in-law and as a friend and I don’t want to loose touch with her at all. However I know that my ex hasn’t really properly explained why he left (if he hasn’t explained it properly to me he isn’t really going to explain it properly to his Mum and Dad) and she said the first time I saw her after it happened that he hadn’t really given them any details, just that he had thought long and hard about it and hadn’t made the decision lightly (just on his own!).
I know that my ex and I have different views on what went wrong in the relationship but I really feel quite strongly that both my mother and father-in-law should know my side of the story. On the other hand, telling someone that their son has treated you badly (whether intentionally or not) isn’t exactly going to endear me to them and may seem like sour grapes, which it really isn’t. I just know that my ex will not want to appear as if he is in the wrong (despite him being the one who ended our marriage) and is likely to give a somewhat distorted version of events to preserve his own image.
I guess I shouldn’t mind what other people think of me but my mother-in-law welcomed me into the family and made me feel a proper part of it. I don’t want her to think badly of me for something I haven’t done. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to lay the blame totally at my ex’s feet and try to paint myself whiter than white, I just don’t think I should just let my ex run me down to his parents and claim that the only reason our marriage has failed is down to me (and I know he will as that is how he will be justifying the whole thing to himself). Why does it all have to be so hard?
I am beginning to suspect that I am finding it hard because I don’t want to be unfair or unjust to anyone else and therefore considering everyone. If I could manage to be self centred and only care about me I think it would be far easier. But then I wouldn’t be being true to myself and the one thing I’m never going to do again is compromise my own values for the sake of making someone else happy. I can manage that kind of ‘selfishness’!