Kizzia Mildmay

I’ll work backwards and start with the Noooooooo. Which was my cry on Wednesday when I discovered that it’s possible to corrupt Word and Scrivener files by using them on both a Mac and a Windows PC via a USB stick. To cut a long story short (and because most of you probably saw my rather frantic tweets about it) I lost the majority of my Holmesfest fic and a significant amount of editing on quite a few other things. It’s not dreadful and I’m very lucky Dropbox had earlier versions I could recover for quite a lot of them, but it’s still bloody annoying. Especially since I now have absolutely no time to recreate the Holmesfest fic and so have had to pull out and ask the mods to find a pinch hitter. Which I hated doing with every fibre of my being because it felt, and still feels, like abject failure but there it is. I just don’t have enough time to rewrite the lost portion and then polish it before Sunday (when I disappear off to foreign parts), not with everything else I’m already committed to.

Excellent refers to two work related things:

The first excellent thing is that I received notification this week that I am now a Fellow of the Institute of Chartered Accountants of England and Wales and thus the denotation after my name changes from ACA to FCA. Becoming a Fellow is, in the ICAEW’s words, to be recognised by your peers within the accountancy, business and finance profession as holding the highest status of ICAEW membership. Which is nice. It’s also reminded me that I’ve been a Chartered Accountant for over ten years now, and consequently I feel even more ancient than I already had because of my birthday.

The second excellent thing has far more impact on my day to day life because it relates to the fact that my boss has confirmed he’s 100% behind my study plans and is trying to sort everything out with HR. Which might be convoluted process for both him and me, but the long and the short of it is that I should be able to sign up and start studying properly at the start of May, with is both exciting and bloody terrifying in equal measure.

This news may – for those of you who enjoy reading my fics and were happy about my writing goals for the year – make you say something a little different to excellent; because taking this abrupt turn down the path of study completely changes my game plan for the year. Everything I’ve said to date about my writing and the output I’m aiming for is now null and void. So if I’ve promised you a specific fic, or you’re one of the few lovely people still waiting for me to update any or all of my WIPS of shame, then I’m about to disappoint you. I’m not going to stop writing altogether (I can no more do that than stop breathing) but my output is going to be dramatically reduced.

So, to avoid causing anyone any more disappointment than I already have thanks to my poor ficcing habbits, and to prevent leaving people wondering what’s going on, I am going to say, upfront, that:

I know this decision won’t make a huge difference to many people but I really do care a great deal about those of you who are kind enough to read and comment on my work and I don’t want anyone to think that I don’t. I treasure every single kudos, comment, tweet and reblog and I’ll miss the interaction from the stories and theories. Not that I’m shutting myself away altogether – I’ll still be on tumblr, twitter, & LJ – but I’ll just consuming and chatting, not contributing the way I have been.

Lovely refers to my birthday weekend, which was absolutely glorious. The weather on both Easter Sunday and Easter Monday couldn’t have been better if I’d ordered it, I received some really thoughtful gifts, and the trips out to various places were delightful. I also managed to remember to take photographs of Mum, Dad and I as well as of the scenery, so I thought I’d share a few of both with you now:

Given that this birthday means I’ve reached half of the “three score years and ten” we’re apparently allotted in this life, I have been doing a bit of reflecting. In fact a good five hundred words just came pouring out of my fingers about my life so far, a relatively succinct resume of the good bits, the bad bits, the bits I’m proud of, and the “dear lord what the hell did I think I was doing” bits. But I’m not going to post them. Because there are some things that are, to borrow a phrase from Terry Pratchett, “write-only documents”. The act of writing was the important bit, the releasing of the thoughts, of letting things go, acknowledging the distance I’ve travelled and just what I’ve achieved for myself. It was enough in and of itself, I neither need to want to share it with the rest of the world.

There is something I want to say though. And that is that I am, currently, happy. Or perhaps I should use the word content. Yes, that’s more accurate. I’m content. Which is not to say that I’m done learning and growing as a person (I don’t think anyone ever is) or that I’ve found all the answers and I’m never going to struggle with anything or feel depressed again (if only). What I’m saying is that I’m comfortable in my own skin, I know what I want out of my life and I don’t feel the need to apologise for pursing my goals and dreams any more, or to aspire to the goals and dreams other people think I should have. I am content to be me. And that’s a very good feeling. The best in fact.

At which point it seems sensible to draw this post to a close, especially since Dog is now using me as a chin rest in order to press home the important point that she’d like her walk:

Only before I sign off and take her out, I must just say that I won’t be around for the next few weeks. I’m departing the internet this Sunday, because I’m off to Venice, and I won’t be logging back on until Sunday 26^th April. If you’re going to 221b Con or Sherlocked I hope you have a fabulous time. If you’re not, I hope you have a wonderful two weeks regardless.

Toodle pip, my lovelies. I’ll see you on the flip side!