The Wipers Times – faithful reproduction of the fourth chapter of the Herlock Shomes serialisation; 20th March 2016

Herlock Shomes at it Again.

CHARACTERS: – Same as last week



Returning to our friend Shomes who has, for some little time, been cooling his ardour in the Bec, during which period he has contrived to make the acquaintance of Honoria hi fair companion in distress. Breathing undying love and vowing to save her, he hoists her on one shoulder, his vermoral sprayer on the other, and commences his itinerary towards Messrs. Crump, Hole and Co’s circular scoop warehouse abutting on Hordon Goose Farm. Bending low with his precious burden, Shomes’ mind begins to wander and so does his foot as he comes a terrific “purler” over a loose duck-board. Buzzing Bill, the Breezy Butcher of Bellewarde, witnessing the disaster, and being especially solicitous for the safety of his customers, shouts in stentorian terms “beat it for the tall timbers.”

Meanwhile Intha Pink having extricated himself from the disaster which overtook him at the Denin Gate, reappeared safely with his sandbag, hammer and nail intent on reaching the trysting place where Lizzie is awaiting him.

“What of the night?” is his kindly remark to Vera, one of the ‘Cinema’ girls, who has surreptitiously, tentatively, and furtively, dodged the managerial eye and had slipped out for a breath of fresh air.

“How you startled me, Intha!” she said, “Are you going to met THAT woman again?”

“Ah! Vera, to what lengths will your jealousy lead you?” said Intha chidingly.

At that moment Silent Percy arrived unheralded on the scene.

“Poor Vera,” said Intha, as he crawled out of the ditch and once more gathered up his hammer and nail, “she never would have been happy anyhow.”

While this tender scene is being enacted Chumley Marchbanks, the knut of Bond Street, having strolled down Grafton Street to pay a visit to the new night club “des Ramparts” which had sprung into fame very recently, inadvertently, and owing to the inadequate lighting took the yellow ‘bus at Fell Hire Corner and found himself in Bellewarde. All might yet have gone well with him had he not fallen over Crook, the Cambridge Crackman, who after emptying his pockets pushed him into the Bec. – The waters flowed on.

(To be Continued.)

N.B. Next week: – A new set of characters, and another thrilling instalment.

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